You changed my life. That day when I first saw you put me on a path that was always inherently mine. And it has it's dangers, sure. But this is where I'm supposed to be. This, the joy of this morning, I was born for this.
I wondered for a long time what your purpose had been, if not to love me. Sorry, it's an old habit to assume everyone I meet is in my life so they could love me. It's okay now. I've learned.
My point is, if everything hadn't happened the way it did, if I had only walked out a minute later, if I hadn't gone on that tram when I did (because it was 'full' and I don't like going into full trams), if I hadn't entered it through the middle door... I'd still be in that same trance-like state of believing I am safe and sound.
What's safe is being happy.
You'll probably never know just how much you changed me - or at least put me on the path that led to me waking up at last - but I wanted to say thank you. Chasing you to find myself was the best thing that happened in a long time.
And now... Now there's a new chapter starting, there's a different girl who didn't even realize how different she was until she looked at her phone and said 'No, I won't call'. She's someone new. She's me.
She has the patience now, to wait for the right moment to ask for the thing she wants.
I have that patience. And it's rewarding.
Maybe trusting people so much was a mistake. Maybe I'll pay for it.
But I'm turning it all into art and making it mean something.
These past few months have been a new low for me. A different kind of low. But, God, did it teach me a lesson. You know how sometimes it takes a long time to learn it? Well. Here we are.
I was listening to a song that came out a couple days ago, that very night and boy did I have an epiphany. Maybe I don't know who I want to be anymore.
I know what I need to do to figure it out.
And it, once again, has to do with you.
Maybe we'll be close enough one day for me to tell you this.
But thank God I saw you that day.